I had a very successful day yesterday as I didn’t have a single panic attack. Yes I had high anxiety (especially in my throat after eating) and I also felt sick but managed to stay calm about it (though writing that now made me panic slightly that it will happen again today).
Despite that I woke up in a full blown panic attack this morning and at 10.30am it is still with me. I think it is because I felt slightly sick yesterday and I was afraid it was going to happen again today. Of course because I was afraid I have made myself feel rubbish and a little sick! Typical really. Yesterday I felt sick when I needed the toilet as I have IBS. I managed to control my panic about it yesterday but it did threaten to get me. Today is not the same. I feel like I need to go and feel a bit sick but too scared to go in case it makes me feel more sick. Stupid I know. I know the nausea and feeling in my throat is due to constipation and IBS but it doesn’t stop me worrying.
I’m really struggling to do my Thrive today. I guess that is because I am tired. I need to control these negative thoughts and move on with life but my head feels fuzzy today and my stomach feels off. My head feels so fuzzy that I can’t even work out what negative thought I am having! Let’s try and write them here:
- That I will be sick due to constipation either if I don’t go to the loo or if I do. This has never made you sick before. It has made you feel sicky when you don’t go and then a bit sick after you do but it has never made you actually sick.
- That I will feel nauseous at work and not be able to concentrate and not be able to escape. There is nowhere to escape to as you will feel sick at home as well and you can’t sleep your life away. Not now you are getting sparky the cat. If you do feel nauseous you will be able to cope. It is unlikely to make you sick as you haven’t been over the last four months and it is most likely just your anxiety, IBS and period making you feel that way (like it has been all along). It will pass.
- That I won’t be able to last the whole day at work. Yes you can. You have managed it twice this week and you can do it again. I know that is what you were panicking about this morning but you can do it. You can cope with life. People go to work with much worse things than a bit of IBS nausea and panic attacks. People carry on with their lives when they have cancer treatment, have broken their ribs, have hurt their back in a car accident or are pregnant and feel very ill. I can live with a bit of IBS, anxiety and a headache. You can cope, you will thrive.
- Feeling external as I have to stay at work all day. Turn it into internal in that I want to stay at work for myself so I can live a life, have money and get Sparky.
- That people will know I am having a panic attack or know that I feel sick and judge me. That they will judge me if I can’t eat and know that something is wrong. People here care about you and will only want to make sure you are ok. They will not have those thoughts about you. You are imagining that they are thinking that due to your social anxiety. You cannot read their minds.
- I am feeling external because I have IBS constipation nausea and there is nothing that I can do about it. Black and white thinking that I will feel nauseous every time I need to use the bathroom and after. Black and white thinking that my IBS will never go and I will never be able to cope with the symptoms. Firstly the black and white thinking – you know that IBS comes in flares and at the moment you are in a flare up of it. You can go a long time without any symptoms and be fine. You also know that the feeling in your throat is caused by it and that if you drink more water it would help. You also know that you can cope with the symptoms as you have in the past. The constipation will not make you sick. Not sure how to turn the external thought about my IBS into an internal one really. I will manage my thinking about my IBS and learn to tolerate the uncomfortable feeling and then I will be ok with it. I will not let the nausea cause a panic attack as I know it won’t make me sick.
- That I won’t be able to cope with the nausea and headaches associated with constipation and I won’t be able to carry on with my life and thrive. Yes you will. You have concurred this mountain before and you can do it again now. You are making yourself feel ill by being hypervigilant. Stop it.
- That I will have to feel terrible for days or weeks before I can actually feel normal again. You have concurred this mountain before and you can do it again now. You are making yourself feel ill by being hypervigilant. Stop it.
Why does the word nauseous fill me with more dread and panic than vomit? Because it lasts longer and there is nothing you can do about it. When you are sick it is over quite quickly and you feel better. With nausea you have to either wait for it to pass or wait to be sick to feel better.
Get throat nausea at the same time every day. It seems to be just before lunch time and just after. Basically that is when I am anxious because I am anxious about eating. Maybe that is what causes the throat nausea? Either way I know that I won’t be sick from it and that it is just an uncomfortable feeling. Oh I also get it on the way to work and on the way home from work which is strange. I just feel really thirsty and have a kind of background nausea. In that I am able to eat food still but don’t feel too well. If I focus on it it gets worse and it makes me panic. Does that mean it’s anxiety? But it also seems to happen after I have been to the loo so maybe it is IBS nausea as well? It just makes me feel really dry. I know it won’t make me sick but I just so badly want to control it and make it go away.
My desire for control has gone absolutely mad with my IBS as it isn’t something I can control. That is why I am having such a hard time with it at the moment. I can’t control the nausea I am feeling and the symptoms I am getting. Even if I tell myself that I won’t be sick because it has never made me sick before, I still get the panic because I am nervous of the nausea (hence why that word is more scary to me now than vomit). Although you can’t control being sick it isn’t something that happens that often. When you have IBS, acid reflux and periods nausea happens a lot! You would think that would mean I was less afraid of it. Well once upon a time that was correct. I have been through stages like this before when I have been completely afraid and then eventually have got used to the feeling and it hasn’t panicked me. Not sure why it suddenly started panicking me again. Actually I know why. It was because I thought I was pregnant and therefore getting morning sickness. I thought that meant I would definitely be sick (as I felt very sick) and couldn’t really believe that it was due to constipation and my hormones.
All the symptoms I am getting are the same and I know they won’t make me sick. The psychiatric doctor told me to check my symptoms and see if they are the same as I have had before. Then if they aren’t, sleep on them for the night and if they don’t get better go and see the GP. But most of the symptoms I get are the same even though they change. So why can’t I just accept that they are my IBS and get one with things?
Any little twinge or feeling in my body is interpreted as I am going to be sick. Right now I am really hot and my head feels fuzzy and my stomach off (though that will be my period). Naturally I started to panic that I will be sick. Told myself to stop it but still don’t feel well at all and have two hours to go. Trying to concentrate on my work
Feeling really sick right now. Actually feels like it is going to happen. My head doesn’t feel right, my stomach doesn’t feel right. I actually feel if I move to much I will be sick. I know I can cope with this. I can get through this. If I am sick it will not be the end of the world. People won’t think I am disgusting, they will want to make sure I am ok that is all. I can cope. I am sure it is just my headache, that it is stuffy and my anxiety but the worst thing that could happen is I am sick and I will be able to cope with that.