Damn acid reflux

My acid reflux has flared up and I can’t stop obsessing about it. I know that obsessing about it and not eating is making it worse but I can’t stop myself.

I’m told that obsessing about it makes the acid reflux worse. But can it really? Some people say it can be the sole cause of it and that the tummy meds didn’t work and it only went away when they took an antidepressant. But I take an antidepressant and it doesn’t help.

I’m so fed up of feeling like this all the time. How can I break the cycle? If the stress is causing the acid reflux but the acid reflux is causing the stress. It’s all my damn desire for control!!

Dr Google will see you now

Sound familiar to anyone? I have been consulting Dr Google a lot recently! I know I have IBS and have been told that by GP’s several times but I just can’t stop checking things up to see if there is something else wrong with me. I am looking up things to do with my hormones as I honestly think they have a strong part to play in my anxiety flare ups. Every time I switch birth control methods or come off it (as I recently did to try for a baby) I get bad pmt which causes ibs, anxiety, nausea and bad skin. I convinced myself there was something seriously wrong with me but it is probably just normal. A couple of months after coming off the pill I had a terrible period where the pain was so bad my DH took me to A&E and they told me I might have Endometriosis. Although I went to my real GP who told me I probably just had a painful period, Dr Google convinced me that I had it. I had already decided to go back on the pill at that time as my anxiety was a mess and I clearly wasn’t ready for a baby. Need to get rid of the emet first!

I then started visiting Dr Google to find out about the side effects of starting the pill. It calmed me down at the time but the next time I felt any I would need to visit again.

Next were the dizzy spells. I have been getting these for a few months now (actually coincides with me coming off the bcp) and have seen my real GP two or three times for it. They checked my ears and told me that there was nothing wrong so I shouldn’t worry about it (that’s like telling the pope not to be catholic!). But Dr Google told me there were lots of causes of dizziness and I could have any of them. I had previously had low iron so was convinced I was anaemic. I wasn’t of course. I had a blood test and although my iron levels are still low, I’m not anaemic so that wasn’t the problem. So then I got frustrated with my real GP because they were basically telling me that I had to live with it! But Dr Google gave me lots of diagnoses!

My most recent visit to Dr Google was only yesterday. For the last few days I have had a tight stomach and nausea. I was convinced I had a stomach bug or food poisoning so I was looking up the symptoms of those (even thought I know full well what they are!). I even had yesterday off sick because I was so ill after diarrhoea (sorry tmi!) and spent most of the day either asleep so I couldn’t think about what was going on or visiting Dr Google! About 10 minutes before my dh came home from work I went to the loo and noticed that I had started my period. So once again it was just my period that was making me feel so ill. I then felt like a fool as I should have known. Now I am going to have to explain to my boss that the reason I have been ill so much recently is because I changed my birth control pill. That’s going to be an awkward conversation!

But that didn’t satisfy me. I then proceeded to visit Dr Google to find out about hormones and anxiety/nausea and stomach problems. There are lots of things on the internet about that. It all says it is normal but I am looking for something to be wrong with me. I never realised quite how much I have health anxiety. I always thought it was just emetophobia – that I was convinced everything would make me sick. Ok, so I guess most of them are related to that. I mean I don’t worry that I am going to have cancer and die, I am worried that I will get cancer and get sick from the treatment!

Oh I just remembered that I did one thing that is even better than visiting Dr Google. Two years ago I obtained a copy of my medical records for a certain period in my life. It cost me £20 but I felt it was worth it at the time as I wanted to work out what was going on. So I was looking at them late last night studying everything that has happened. Off course it seems obvious to me that my high anxiety levels and stomach issue flare ups are all related to my period but the GP never seems to have noticed that. There is even a record on there of me asking for a gyno referral but it was refused and I was told to keep a diary of what happens to see if there was a link.

I am still convinced that I have female issues because I do get so sick when I am off the birth control pill (I remember my stomach issues continuing for ages a few years ago when I was off the pill for several months and they didn’t settle until I had been back on it for a few months) and it will need addressing as I want to have a baby. But I know I should stop visiting Dr Google and perhaps even give my real GP a bit of a break as they are probably sick of seeing me! I doubt I will as I have an appointment with me GP in a few weeks time and I will probably bring the subject up. I just want to know if it is normal to have all these issues with the female cycle (sometimes I think it would be easier to be a man!).

I notice I have turned this blog into a bit of a case study for Dr Google which is not what I intended! You see how easy it is to get into that trap! I need to start living my life by finding something else to worry about and stop visiting the Dr Google and the GP!