So I just have to accept feeling like hell…..

It really bothers me that my stomach burns whenever I eat anything but I can’t go to the GP about it as they will just tell me to keep taking my pills. Surely I can’t do that for the rest of my life, especially if I want a baby. Do I have to suffer having an acidic stomach for the rest of my life where I burp uncontrollably and have burning in my stomach no matter what I eat or take? It annoys me that they won’t do anything about it and I am just to suffer. Surely it is damaging my oesophagus? If you broke your leg, they wouldn’t just throw pills at you, they would fix it.

So they diagnosed me with IBS but I just have to accept feeling rubbish everyday? I just have to come to terms with the fact that I will likely feel sick most days and that my stomach will feel unsettled and I will feel sick most days? Even someone without Emetophobia would struggle with that.

Is the burning feeling a get before burping or even when it comes out the other end, really acid reflux or is it just how I feel wind? Previously I have told myself it is just how I feel wind but surely it wouldn’t burn?

The doctors say that I have IBS and acid reflux because I have Emetophobia but that is not the case. It can’t be otherwise why would Dad, Laura and Steph have it as well? Ok so it gets worse when I am nervous but it is also there every single day. I thought that cutting out what I am intolerant to would help but it hasn’t so far. My stomach has felt off for over a week now and I am just to accept that I will feel sick every single day? I am just to accept that my stomach feels unsettled all the time, that it feels like a washing machine churning away and not have any way to stop it? I am just to continue to take the antacid pills because they can’t find anything else to stop the churning even though it still happens on the pills. I am just to accept this because I have Emetophobia and it is just my phobia causing it?

I am just supposed to put up with this uncomfortable hungry/sick feeling all the time? Where my stomach doesn’t know whether it is coming or going? Where I can’t relax as I have to keep busy to stop myself thinking about how crap I feel? I just have to accept that my stomach always feels off like I won’t be able to stomach what I have eaten?

I just have to accept that my digestive system doesn’t work and that I am going to feel like this for the rest of my life? How am I ever going to get over my Emetophobia when one of my limiting beliefs is that when I get ill (both being sick and with acid reflux) is that it will last forever when I am being told I have to accept that my IBS will last all my life and there is nothing I can do about it but put pills down my throat that don’t even work but that I am now dependent on?

I have been told this is my desire for control which is very high but surely anyone with IBS will want to do everything they can not to feel like this every single day? I would give anything right now for my stomach to feel normal and not turn upside-down all the time. I don’t think it is my desire for control necessarily as I think anyone would want to stop feeling this way. But no, the doctors say I just have to learn to live with it. I was given the diagnoses of IBS and acid reflux, thrown some pills and just told to live with it. Well I can’t live this way all my life, I just can’t. Even if I wasn’t afraid of being sick I wouldn’t be able to live like this every day.

I’m supposed to comes to terms with a chronic illness that means I will never be able to eat properly or enjoyably again without any support? I am just supposed to accept it?


One thought on “So I just have to accept feeling like hell…..

  1. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I can relate a little bit because my anxiety definitely gives me the case of a rumbly tummy from time to time, but I’m still not convinced I actually have acid reflux or IBS. I think it’s just me in my case, but yours sounds more chronic. I send you my best wishes and sincerest apologies that you have to go through with this. I already get angry at myself (or my body) over feeling the way I do, so I can only imagine what you must be going through. We all have our battles to fight in our own ways, I suppose… and some of them are long wars that seem to drag on. =(

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